Shit. I hate this. I can’t believe I’m doing this again. All I know is that I shouldn’t have let whatever was going on between Gummy and Mom get between you and me, but it was hard, you know? We were thrown into it and I guess it’s neither of our faults, but I wish that it had gone differently.
We had something special, you and me. I was so close to you when I was little. Look at our smiles in this picture! This was such a different experience than when Grandmom died. I was there, holding her hand. I held her while she took her last breath, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she was gone. Even though it’s still so hard to believe, being there helped. But now I know exactly what Kaitlin was talking about when she said it doesn’t feel real. When you aren’t there to see it happen, when you can’t touch the body or at the very least see it, there is no closure.
I can’t even remember the last time we talked on the phone.
I guess I learned my lesson the hard way. It’s never worth it. This is not worth whatever it was that kept us apart. I’m sorry. So so so sorry.